Monday, January 21, 2013

Abuse and Victimhood, a Feminine Perspective

Canela Michelle Meyers and I discover Shamanic qualities of intensity.  
Such force cannot come out of inner volition, but seems to arrive from the outside.  
This is what we call abuse.  Women and girls have long been subject to this treatment in distorted sectors of our society.

Part of us believes that this treatment causes irreparable damage.  It seems logical.  
We don't want to have anything to do with it.  Yet we appear to be unscathed?
These subjects are little talked about, without blame.  
Certainly non-duality has its skillful means of jumping over anything distasteful, as long as it is reported for the other.  
When it is laid on us, we probably fall out of the non-duality crowd.

Listen to this wisdom.  If you have these nagging memories that recreate themselves and constantly seek justification in meaning and reasons, this video. along with part 2, are for you.


  1. Dear Reenah,

    I do not watch videos anymore, yet watched this long conversation because the subject hits home. This is the first I have heard a discussion of this in the so-called non-duality community. Bravo. I will admit, hearing yet another story of someone (mostly male) who was "unexplainably depressed for no apparent reason" and then "the Self revealed, things aligned, and life became effortless and blissful and now they are a teacher" has me scratching my head about what is really going on.

    Yes, these are very taboo topics in any setting, and the typical non-duality conversation follows the traditional views of placing "darkness" in the realm of mind/ego (aka Satan/sin), which only perpetuates the separation of darkness from the Whole. Because let's face it, it would not be popular to say to an abused child "God is beating you" (or using detached non-duality terms "the Self is repeatedly beating Itself and how fortunate for you that you get to experience it. But don't worry, you are not even real").

    Based on what I have experienced, this discussion does not scratch the surface. The intense grip of Evil is very powerful, very real, and It's deceptive and concealed tendrils extend very far, deep, and wide. We have no idea. If it only took some prayer or energy work to release, this conversation would be unnecessary.

    I did not realize until recently that Evil began embodying me in childhood, possibly through molestation and other trauma. My story went downhill from there and has been very confusing and dark. I have experienced too much, unrelenting, back-to-back, simultaneous, always seemingly out of nowhere, with no relief no matter what I have appeared to try. A few years ago I was "told" my words would be "clashing cymbals" and so I do not even speak anymore, or when I do, all is ignored and dismissed.

    This could be me. Who can imagine the horror this gentle one has experienced? Who would even think of suggesting that she needs to experience more hell before feeling relief or love? Only Evil would suggest such a thing.

    Although I am glad some are offered relief. A friend was sexually abused as a child (still hates/blames her deceased father) yet she claims to receive "grace and love" from God every day through prayer (she is devout Christian). So that is nice.

    btw, Mother Teresa did not "neglect herself" per se .. she experienced much private despair called "dark night"

    Steven Norquist was brought across my path recently. His "enlightenment realizations" and experiences of darkness seem similar to mine.

    Evil has an unrelenting grip on me. I do not understand.


    1. Hello Imagine Peace,

      I really have no way to find you except by posting here. I would love to "Imagine Peace" with you in a one to one conversation. I read your paragraph, "Too much, unrelenting, back to back, simultanious, out of nowhere. . ."

      Canela and I didn't tell our details. Some day I will, I have no reservation, but I hesitate only because I want to present it all, in some coherent fashion. I don't want to drop little bits of horror which might be mistaken for sensationalism. I don't need to be sensational.

      But yet we (or I) know exactly what you are saying. But my conclusion is not that the human race must bare massive boughts of evil. At least not from memories of the past. I am sure that all can be remembered, and still put to rest. This is what I would like to share. Please make an appointment to talk with me on skype or google chat.

  2. Hi Reenah,

    Goodness. I must rephrase. I had not watched the NNH video of Steven Norquist before; I had only read a few snippets from his book The Haunted Universe. It seems now after listening to him, other than the life-long experiences of darkness, trauma, abuse, destruction, and death (w/NDE), my experiences have not been very similar to his as thought.

    Not many touch on the aspects of darkness and so I thought his experiences and perceptions were similar. Yet of course, we all experience uniquely. It is madness.

    namaste xo

  3. Hi Reena and Canela,

    Thank you for for placing this on a blog, it was very healing for me to watch.
    Specialy at the end, a very beautiful, healing blessing came from it that my body absorbed and I felt whole.
    I really can relate to what you are saying about falling out of the non dual- crowd when confronted with memories of ubuse and violence during meditation, that cause ongoing circling of thoughts and worry around the event.

    In my case sexual abuse happened being 20 years old. It had been there for about 15 years, I had lived on, got children and didn't think something was bothering me anymore.
    But then during retreats it started to come up and I found out that something was still in the way of me developing freely.
    And I became aware of situations in the now triggering the memory and that way feelings came up that I wasn't able to live at the time, like fear and distress. It caused me to live a very private life for some time and to create a space for myself in which I could be reliving the feelings and the going on of thought storms as I called them, let that happen.

    Like you said Canela, after a healing retreat it would be touched again and at home this would continue to be at work for a week, while just feeling the floor after a yoga session or just resting and feeling the surface of the bed. Many insights came from that. And healing. Just feeling the floor is of such a great support.

    Forgiving happened like a sort of film the first time it came up in a retreat. While being absorbed in a very clear, transparent sort of energy.
    So that was done. That wasn't difficult. It was being guided, almost like a suggestion.

    But more had to come. I had to become aware, of the impact it still had on my life and actions and reactions to situations. Because it was really from that past event and colored the now. For example being so angry with man always. For a long time I hadn't been aware where that actually came from. Healing retreats and sessions have been of great help.

    Right now, like you say, Reena, it is possible indeed to go into life while still having certain feelings. It does not keep me away anymore so much as it did, going into life and going to work and situations.

    The sensitivity for energy you both are talking about is there too, it might be the way you are but the experience might contribute to it and that in the end, once I learn to cope with it, it is a gift indeed.

    Also I don't know if I've come to the bottom of it all yet. It's still in my dreams.
    Lately more intense again, it comes and goes in waves.
    There's a strong resignation indeed not to want to be in the role of a victim anymore.

    Faling out of the non-dual crowd, because nobody knows how to deal with such a story, created periods of aloneness and isolation. But that turned out to be another gift in the end too in that I could only follow my own inner guidance, that growing stronger in that way. It brought me to your blog also I think.

    I feel happy being given the opportunity to comment on this. Hope it contributes to it, to the whole.

    Thank you so much,

    Heart greetings